Today in Austin the three sisters went to lunch with three friends of the Oje. We ate at a place called Mother's though this was a vegetarian restaurant and not the fare of our childhoods. Good thing. Mom was a terrible cook.
I met three southern belles though I can hear them laughing at my description. For me, these women who were previously strangers offered such kind suggestions when we talked about being unemployed, the dark hole of resume hell, reinventing ourselves as women and finding innovative ways to stay positive and believe in oneself. They are extraordinary women who I wish I could import to Sonoma County. I have known people in my community for years and yet these three women offered encouragement and inspiration in a genuine way that was remarkable. Like a wrapped gift glinting in the sunlight as it winked at me, they poured out some good old fashioned kindness to someone they had never met. That just doesn't happen in California. It doesn't.
We bid each other adieu after lunch or more like, see ya'll later, and went off to Georgetown for a cuppa Joe and the used book store. I love that square in Georgetown with the brick courthouse and surrounding downtown. Imagine Healdsburg before it became so stuck on itself .
We then stole away to see the last Harry Potter movie, scooting away from the hundred something temperature. I remembered as the movie started that some of my heroes are Justice Ruth Ginsberg, Laura Croft, Barbara Boxer and Harry Potter. Last summer, before I left my former profession, I wavered about my decision. I was out of my mind actually. Ten pounds lighter and so anxious I could not sleep at night, I imagined that Harry Potter would not have such difficulty choosing. I imagined that Harry would know what was the right thing to do and I didn't. Now I realize that I just needed more time and I did know what was the right thing to do. I did and I did it. No wand either.
So, Harry and I are in good company. It would be lovely though to have a bittersweet, happy ending like Harry. For now, today, I am fortunate to be on the receiving line for the kindness of strangers who think nothing of offering the Ravenclaw diadem with their sweet words of encouragement. Thank you gals. You rule.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Triple Digit Heat And The Roadrunner
It was 103 degrees today here in Austin and that is a cooling trend. The sister cluster is gathered here and lots of sister energy of which I am the trailing edge. I have had strong women to fall in step with and if you have never known one of us, well, let us just say you better be ready. For me, my sisters have been the source of strength on many, many difficult stretches on the path of life and I am lucky. We tell stories, laugh, drink tea and shine the family flashlight on some very distant memories.
This afternoon, a deer and a roadrunner came to drink from the faux creek bed at the same time. I went to stand at the window and watch, a transfixed, faux country girl away from home. The deer drank first, raising her head with water dripping from that delicate nose of hers. Dark eyes. A longer drink and then sauntered off into the brush. The roadrunner was more cautious. Walked above the creek bed and then down. Paused. Then dipped its' beak into the water and drank, drank more, paused, drank and then hopped off into the brush.
Animals here are finding water wherever they can and my sister's fountain and creek bed offer a source of life for them. I am thankful for the chance to see nature here and so very different from what casts its' shadow on my trails in Sonoma County. For me, the roadrunner was always a cartoon on a Saturday morning and not such an amazing bird taking a drink on day 50 something of triple digit heat in the lone star state.
This afternoon, a deer and a roadrunner came to drink from the faux creek bed at the same time. I went to stand at the window and watch, a transfixed, faux country girl away from home. The deer drank first, raising her head with water dripping from that delicate nose of hers. Dark eyes. A longer drink and then sauntered off into the brush. The roadrunner was more cautious. Walked above the creek bed and then down. Paused. Then dipped its' beak into the water and drank, drank more, paused, drank and then hopped off into the brush.
Animals here are finding water wherever they can and my sister's fountain and creek bed offer a source of life for them. I am thankful for the chance to see nature here and so very different from what casts its' shadow on my trails in Sonoma County. For me, the roadrunner was always a cartoon on a Saturday morning and not such an amazing bird taking a drink on day 50 something of triple digit heat in the lone star state.
Record Temperatures and the 700 club
After having slept a few extra hours I feel ready for a new day here in Texas. This week they are having record temperatures and it has emerged as Texas appearing deep pink on the weather map. Just Texas. Each day the triple digit numbers play out across the screen....106,106,106,105,106 and I think of home and our foggy mornings that we complain about. Fog doesn't ripen all those tomatoes.And yet, it would still be possible to go for a run at this hour.
I had strange dreams and woke several times. It is so quiet here and that is a currency I may never get to spend. I love the quiet and I yearn for that in my life. My life. It is a bit of an odd expression for something that one realizes when it doesn't fit anymore. I have had a few times like that over the last decades. On the job front, and it does feel that way as if one were dug into a trench trying to survive, I wish things would shift. I will need to feel connected in order to move forward and to survive. Even here in Texas, when I am taking a break from looking, voice mail messages fool me into thinking it might be an employer. That new habit of mine is really draining.
Yesterday, we sat in the Outpatient Surgery lobby for my niece while she came to and it is always an odd place to be. A netherworld. Waiting and hoping for information about your loved one. The TV asserted its presence and I am not used to so much TV. I don't watch it at all and so all that popular culture clogs my thoughts. The hospital was showing the 700 club and I could hear something about a "personal savior" as my sister and I talked to one another. Is there an impersonal savior?
For me, I don't want my beliefs to have a slogan and so I keep it more of my own making. This works tremendously for me and I am part of a spiritual community, I know when something feels wrong, and I struggle with my own inner turmoil and faith in a way that makes living a dynamic event. I don't need a club to tell me how to explore what is right here in my heart.
Today the Austin newspaper remarks that the heat here broke 100 water pipes last week. Frogs are drinking out of hummingbird feeders and animal, human and otherwise, are hanging on with anticipation of rain that may not come until 2012. It is Wednesday and I shall miss swimming the lane next to Ms. M. I know she is there gliding along as if it were completely natural. Bless you Sonoma County.
I had strange dreams and woke several times. It is so quiet here and that is a currency I may never get to spend. I love the quiet and I yearn for that in my life. My life. It is a bit of an odd expression for something that one realizes when it doesn't fit anymore. I have had a few times like that over the last decades. On the job front, and it does feel that way as if one were dug into a trench trying to survive, I wish things would shift. I will need to feel connected in order to move forward and to survive. Even here in Texas, when I am taking a break from looking, voice mail messages fool me into thinking it might be an employer. That new habit of mine is really draining.
Yesterday, we sat in the Outpatient Surgery lobby for my niece while she came to and it is always an odd place to be. A netherworld. Waiting and hoping for information about your loved one. The TV asserted its presence and I am not used to so much TV. I don't watch it at all and so all that popular culture clogs my thoughts. The hospital was showing the 700 club and I could hear something about a "personal savior" as my sister and I talked to one another. Is there an impersonal savior?
For me, I don't want my beliefs to have a slogan and so I keep it more of my own making. This works tremendously for me and I am part of a spiritual community, I know when something feels wrong, and I struggle with my own inner turmoil and faith in a way that makes living a dynamic event. I don't need a club to tell me how to explore what is right here in my heart.
Today the Austin newspaper remarks that the heat here broke 100 water pipes last week. Frogs are drinking out of hummingbird feeders and animal, human and otherwise, are hanging on with anticipation of rain that may not come until 2012. It is Wednesday and I shall miss swimming the lane next to Ms. M. I know she is there gliding along as if it were completely natural. Bless you Sonoma County.
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Lost in space
I just made a cup of hot tea and walked around outside, marveling at the silence. It is parched here as you can imagine and this house and the land around it is so quiet. Quiet and hot too. It made me feel homesick though not for all the traffic that always seems to take the corner way too fast at our home. Maybe homesick too for my simple routines like running around Spring Lake, walking the dogs, swimming at the gym and being in my life, unglamorous as it is. I miss my girl to be sure and our sweet and simple life. I miss Ms. M. who has coffee downtown with me and Ms. J. who is out there recuperating. Hello everyone.
I have read some of the paper from Austin and other glossy magazines that show young people with active, rich appearing lives. They are the kind of people who would be a shoe-in at the Whole Foods mother ship store. Austin is a city of more than 700,000 and that is very different than where I come from today. There are jobs here and statistics have showed that thousands of people have moved to Austin this year and it will continue to boom. This is a big place. A person could get lost here.
It is 106 today with over 55 days without rain. Life in this big city place moves forward and the people are suffering with this drought. They are Texans here and that carries weight. Like we Californians who have had such a charbroiled experience of our economic flesh, the Texans are feeling the heat and dealing with their own demon.
I have read some of the paper from Austin and other glossy magazines that show young people with active, rich appearing lives. They are the kind of people who would be a shoe-in at the Whole Foods mother ship store. Austin is a city of more than 700,000 and that is very different than where I come from today. There are jobs here and statistics have showed that thousands of people have moved to Austin this year and it will continue to boom. This is a big place. A person could get lost here.
It is 106 today with over 55 days without rain. Life in this big city place moves forward and the people are suffering with this drought. They are Texans here and that carries weight. Like we Californians who have had such a charbroiled experience of our economic flesh, the Texans are feeling the heat and dealing with their own demon.
Monday, August 8, 2011
Welcome to Austin, the current temperature is 104
Okay, so I did arrive in Austin this afternoon after a flight that was pretty calm. Maybe a first. The woman to my left was Chinese and did not speak English though a young, thoughtful young lady with lots of pink accessories. The man to my right was flying in from his telecommute home in Alameda for some sort of meeting. He had an accent. Who was he anyway?
I feel lucky to be alive but I always do after an airplane ride. Jeez. How do those flight crew folks do it? I deplaned as they say and walking down the jet bridge towards the Austin terminal and the heat set upon us like a torch. I did think of 9/11 and the people that died that day.
We drove by my niece's gym which is way, way slick and makes ours look like a boat in dry dock. Wow, talk about a great place to actually find a personal trainer who can show you some things. Onward we went to the mother ship store for Whole Foods. This is an amazing store with a cupcake, nut and taco bar to name a few. It gleams like a remarkable jewel in the sun in this magnificent city. I am holding my own at 82 applications for WF.
Touchdown and tomorrow will be a cooler few degrees but still triple digits. Good night from the lone star state ya'll.
I feel lucky to be alive but I always do after an airplane ride. Jeez. How do those flight crew folks do it? I deplaned as they say and walking down the jet bridge towards the Austin terminal and the heat set upon us like a torch. I did think of 9/11 and the people that died that day.
We drove by my niece's gym which is way, way slick and makes ours look like a boat in dry dock. Wow, talk about a great place to actually find a personal trainer who can show you some things. Onward we went to the mother ship store for Whole Foods. This is an amazing store with a cupcake, nut and taco bar to name a few. It gleams like a remarkable jewel in the sun in this magnificent city. I am holding my own at 82 applications for WF.
Touchdown and tomorrow will be a cooler few degrees but still triple digits. Good night from the lone star state ya'll.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Taking Our Lumps
For those of you kind enough to spend time reading this blog, I thank you. My hope is that you find something here that is a melody from your own heart and your own life.
As I prepare to fly out to see my family, making sure that I have enough clean underwear and lots of T-shirts because it is hotter than hell there this August, I have lots of fearful thoughts. I am very much afraid to fly. I am always sure that I will die in that metal tube as turbulence commences. I am flat out sure of it. Thus is phobia and thus is my own fear. So, I shall try all the tricks to distract myself from my perceived peril. There is no other way except spending four days on the train or three days in the Mini. So, as in life, my decision to fly holds consequences. As my favorite movie character Violet claims, "We make our own choices. We pay our own prices."
Today I found a big lump on my Greyhound's chest near his dog armpit. It is big. It is the weekend. And so we decided to let it go until I return and then I shall take him to the Vet. Lots of feelings come up and I must say, he has been ancient for many years since Rosie died. For the both of us, it aged us in a way no other love could. Rosie was a dog warrior and my best friend and his too. The consequence of loving a dog is that they shall exit before we do most likely. I have been there for three deaths thus far and each rocked me to the very bone of my character.
My hope, though the voice of other cancers is present in the wings, is that Jade has some fatty deposit. However, I know that lumps can be something much, much more serious and I know what would be required of me. He and I shall decide should seriousness prevail. If not, he will have lots of time to bitch at the other two girl Greyhounds who seem to egg him on every day. He is my beamish boy and I am worried about him. Taking our lumps is part of life and part of living as a feeling human being. There is no other way. Lumps or not, we must take them as they arrive.
As I prepare to fly out to see my family, making sure that I have enough clean underwear and lots of T-shirts because it is hotter than hell there this August, I have lots of fearful thoughts. I am very much afraid to fly. I am always sure that I will die in that metal tube as turbulence commences. I am flat out sure of it. Thus is phobia and thus is my own fear. So, I shall try all the tricks to distract myself from my perceived peril. There is no other way except spending four days on the train or three days in the Mini. So, as in life, my decision to fly holds consequences. As my favorite movie character Violet claims, "We make our own choices. We pay our own prices."
Today I found a big lump on my Greyhound's chest near his dog armpit. It is big. It is the weekend. And so we decided to let it go until I return and then I shall take him to the Vet. Lots of feelings come up and I must say, he has been ancient for many years since Rosie died. For the both of us, it aged us in a way no other love could. Rosie was a dog warrior and my best friend and his too. The consequence of loving a dog is that they shall exit before we do most likely. I have been there for three deaths thus far and each rocked me to the very bone of my character.
My hope, though the voice of other cancers is present in the wings, is that Jade has some fatty deposit. However, I know that lumps can be something much, much more serious and I know what would be required of me. He and I shall decide should seriousness prevail. If not, he will have lots of time to bitch at the other two girl Greyhounds who seem to egg him on every day. He is my beamish boy and I am worried about him. Taking our lumps is part of life and part of living as a feeling human being. There is no other way. Lumps or not, we must take them as they arrive.
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