Standing In Front Of The Urinal Of Life

I went to yet another "group interview" last night and came home feeling furious, confused, used and yet strangely informed. Apparently many companies have stolen Apple's techno interview style of dragging young-almost always the bulk of job seekers in the room-humans into a warehouse or a conference room, showing them some propaganda about their wonderful company and then making them do exercises together in small groups while lurking in the background with a clipboard assigning them points for their ability to work together. Contrived, off-putting and vague, somehow the trend is now the "group interview."

As this was the second time I had gone to one of these sorting process events, I was not surprised to see that I was one of four old people and the rest 20 somethings-about 25% of the job seekers. This event was slightly better than the grocery store company but the amount of women there was the same-about 25% which is not indicative of our population or job seekers. I was the old one.

I can tell you that these were interesting and alive people however who talked easily about themselves. Ah, they are young and yet to be denied promotions or drug through ethical dilemmas that will teach them about their character. They are neither jaded nor wise yet they were fascinating to me and so very alive. I enjoyed them. From the summer firefighter to the white water rafting aficionado to the rock climbing fencing instructor to the trail running physical therapy intern. Impressive.

Two hours of this experience and then we were each pulled into a one on one interview with the store manager and another supervisor to further refine their sorting process. I was the very last one that they called and I sat alone in the back of house room for quite a few minutes. I wondered if they had forgotten me and felt what it was like to have gone through this strange experience yet again. So few jobs, so few interviews, so much effort to be considered for one of five jobs and only a few months of seasonal work.

By the time I sat in the office with the two honchos-yes they did remember me, I was calmer and observant. They gave me the spiel and they informed me that they could not guarantee any amount of hours of work each week and really, this job was for two months, five at best. That is where I began to back out of the door in my thoughts. I began to feel that they had wasted our time and our lives. Truthfully, if they are what they say they are, working there could be a great experience-in line with my ideal job. However, it feels like fighting for birdseed and there is not enough to go around. Not even. I felt angry.

I imagine that many other more retail savvy men will be hired for those five vague jobs and maybe one woman. Maybe just to match the mission statement of inclusivity. However, this morning, before I take my old body for a long run around Spring Lake and off to the gym to lift weights with my fellow old people, I cannot help but feel that last night was a similar experience to February's group interview.

In fact, being authentic and enthusiastic can get you into trouble if you are not observant about what is being offered. The game is to appear happy, alive, I-will-take-whatever-you give me and a bit hyper to put yourself ahead of everyone else in the room. You may however, end up in front of the men's urinal with a bottle of cleaning fluid wondering how you ever got there after all you said and did to make yourself stand apart from your fellow interviewees. Tell me, is that all there is to this life or did someone just break all my balloons?

I'm going for a run, damn the performance that puts me in front of the urinal of life!

Royal Blue Flush

The clear, royal blue backdrop of
a crisp morning curtain rises above the eastern sky on
a Sunday morning in Northern California.
I have dyed my hair, something I said I would never do,
and waxed my eyebrows hoping that age would
turn down another block and
pass me by
but my body aches when I rise from a night of sleep
and I forget the names I held
so close once.
Try as I might I cannot get a
job that I can live with though once
in my not-so-well-spent youth I felt the fullness of
success that left me with a sense of security.
Now I fight everyone younger than 20
for a spot inside the door and seldom make it across the threshold.
I find solace somewhere running a 10 minute mile at
my age and reveling at
a river otter scampering around the water tank near
Howarth Park,
a white egret poised, statue really more than bird, near the lake's
edge,
and my breath and legs in unison and
enough money in my wallet for a perfect latte.
It is not enough and
yet
it is what I have in this life that includes
getting older and
being present to win.
Any day now things will change, I tell myself, and
for today,
I shall hold the image of a royal blue flush
across the sky above Annadel
as my northern star.