An Old Woman And Her Zap Bicycle

Yesterday morning Elsie died.  True, she was 97 and had lived many years of a hedonistic life that seems to have ended just how she would have planned for it, if she could tell us her story.

Elsie was a curmudgeon to some, willful, proud and suffering no fools in life.  She was a Vassar graduate and a nudist in her early adulthood.  Actually, that nudist thing was more of who she was to the very end.  A great story goes around about Elsie answering the door for the cable guy in the buff.  I would think that he was surprised by that and especially because she was in her late years by then. Makes me smile thinking about it.

While I toiled as a Gardener where Elsie lived, I would see her from time to time on her Zap bike.  One sunny day while I pruned roses, I heard a strange noise coming down the walkway.  There, scooting along at a higher rate of speed than safe was Elsie.  Good thing no other elderly residents were strolling on the sidewalk because Elsie did not stop for other people. It made me grin to see her speed by.  How could I not?

Another day, while I worked on the tree rings in the green outside of her apartment, she came to sit in the covered swing, in the sun.  She fell fast asleep with her mouth open and I checked to watch her chest rise and fall.  She appeared very peaceful and yet, to me, I saw the deep loneliness of a woman who has lived her life fulfilling her own desires and not much concerned with the feelings of others.  Elsie was often abrupt though I admired her directness.  She was not codependent and that is an immense freedom to me. Both edges of a very strong saber.

Elsie was known to ride her Zap bike over to Oliver's Market for groceries and a double latte-something she loved.  She was 97 and so that is pretty damn amazing.  I keep that memory of her, jetting by, to bolster my sadness at her death.  However, I understand that the day before she died, Elsie had color in her cheeks and was on an adventure, on her Zap bike, for the perfect double latte.

I hope that I have the tenacity and fearlessness late in life that Elsie seemed to have right up to her take off. Ride on Elsie, ride on!

Comeuppance Came And Went

 I spent some time as a volunteer today trying to use a shovel to improve trails in my favorite hiking spot. I felt fortunate to do something, anything actually, to give back to the place where I feel peace and revel in the view. The weather was spectacular and many people showed up to help.

 As in life, there were the obvious know-it-alls that seem to come with life. I chose the smaller crew and just listened and walked slowly at times to enjoy the sounds of birds, wind in the trees and all that emerald green. It was such a lovely get away from my place of confusion. I am grateful to LandPaths for all that they do to allow the public onto open space lands so that we can breath and walk without having to be anyone special.

 Unfortunately, I found out, at day's end, that Mr. Big II, the holy man from Israel that I worked with, had been given the "Employee Of The Month" award at my former job. My blood began to boil with that news. This man, so trite in his holiness, offered harassment and continuous negative comments about my work every day. I tried a variety of ways to deal with his derision including rigorous honesty and tolerance. I tried and I tried.

Needless to say, I miss the residents, the campus and the sense of belonging that my job brought. I do not miss the tension in my body every day that I felt in danger.

It is important to note that I had no less than two meetings with the Supervisor who gave out this award, stating my ongoing feelings of harassment, isolation and criticism that were unwarranted. Although he seemed to understand, he did nothing.  Eventually, I chose to leave and save my own hide. Today, that seems like the absolute right thing to do in every way.

Comeuppance may have come and gone with "Employee Of The Month" but not my truth.

The Wheel Of Fortune

Yesterday afternoon as I was jetting down Hwy 12 westbound, I almost bought my lunch as two cars collided and spun off into the median.  I was, fortunately, in the right hand lane because another car had just been tailgating the hell out of me and I moved over to let that freaking bully get off my butt.  Now, I feel lucky to  have had the chance to get angry and do something about it that may have saved my life.

One just doesn't know what is coming and that is the mystery and the potential cause of fear in life.  We can go both ways every time we take an action.  For me, if I had been in the left hand lane, I may have hit one of those spinning cars head-on or just ended up in the mess.  That quickly, my physicality here on this earth would have been tested and perhaps, ended.  I feel grateful this morning, to have another chance to become complacent.

I am still a work in progress and so as I arrived at my afternoon volunteer gig, I was still there on the freeway watching a split second decision spin before me. Thankfully, the food bank moves fast and so I had many opportunities to move the eggs, fill zip-lock bags with pasta, help a client to her car with her groceries, pet a dog, smell some rosemary growing near the door, joke with another volunteer and ask the young St. Brigid about her last semester of high school.

I also met the new Food Drive Coordinator and congratulated her.  Truthfully, I wanted to apply for the job as the food bank is one of my favorite places.  I did not have the qualifications and yet when I met her very, very young self, there was that stab of understanding that I often have.  I am old now or at least, on paper.  The great jobs often go to younger job seekers.  It is as much an understanding of how that feels unfair as an understanding of the fact that I am getting way too old to be a job seeker.  I dyed my hair for the last job interview and yet I cannot hide the furrows emerging on my Celtic face. 

I am unsure if our new Food Drive Coordinator realized what a coup she just pulled off by becoming an employee at a food bank where clients are not just served, they are loved.  In fact, you can be anyone you are, client or volunteer, and you are loved.  It is an amazingly bright place that offers food to the 650 men, women and children in Sonoma County living with HIV.  It is also amazing because with a small hand full of paid staff, the food bank runs on the energy of volunteers who make the place hum. 

Today, on this golden morning in Northern California, where the chickadees, the resident blue jay and a pair of mourning doves all came to eat seed, I give thanks to the many people in live whom I love and wish them a glorious Sunday in March.  May we all travel in the slow lane this week and appreciate another day of life.