I spent some time as a volunteer today trying to use a shovel to improve trails in my favorite hiking spot. I felt fortunate to do something, anything actually, to give back to the place where I feel peace and revel in the view. The weather was spectacular and many people showed up to help.
As in life, there were the obvious know-it-alls that seem to come with life. I chose the smaller crew and just listened and walked slowly at times to enjoy the sounds of birds, wind in the trees and all that emerald green. It was such a lovely get away from my place of confusion. I am grateful to LandPaths for all that they do to allow the public onto open space lands so that we can breath and walk without having to be anyone special.
Unfortunately, I found out, at day's end, that Mr. Big II, the holy man from Israel that I worked with, had been given the "Employee Of The Month" award at my former job. My blood began to boil with that news. This man, so trite in his holiness, offered harassment and continuous negative comments about my work every day. I tried a variety of ways to deal with his derision including rigorous honesty and tolerance. I tried and I tried.
Needless to say, I miss the residents, the campus and the sense of belonging that my job brought. I do not miss the tension in my body every day that I felt in danger.
It is important to note that I had no less than two meetings with the Supervisor who gave out this award, stating my ongoing feelings of harassment, isolation and criticism that were unwarranted. Although he seemed to understand, he did nothing. Eventually, I chose to leave and save my own hide. Today, that seems like the absolute right thing to do in every way.
Comeuppance may have come and gone with "Employee Of The Month" but not my truth.
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