Swimming In The Twilight Zone

My Wednesday swim, a day of ritual where I pretend that I am not unemployed but rather just having a day off, felt strange.  Time seemed to stand still and the clock seemed to move slowly.  I swam laps and time seemed to stand still.  It felt odd as it never had before.  I felt trapped inside a Twilight Zone episode. 

The day moved forward and I pulled weeds as a volunteer at a wonderful place where I would love to work.  Residents and staff passed by as I sweated and spent time in that wonderful place.  Sometimes when I volunteer, it is only later that I realize that I feel sadness that I cannot seem to become an employed part of a workplace as sweet as that campus.  However, when I am there, I work as if I am an employee, paid or not, I give it my all.  I know that effort shows. 

In the past year, with hundreds of applications on file and sent into the resume oblivion, I have come to feel trapped and unseen. That is why I stay active and of service, to stave off that panic. In fact, as I wrote the perfect blog, this site glitched and I lost it.  Hmmmmmm.  Rod Serling may be narrating my life someone in a different dimension. 

It feels odd to say goodbye to the wishes and yearnings once held, then build them again, then let go, then take it back.  I feel as though I am trapped in an episode, somewhere on an abandoned asteroid.  Did you see that one?  Could be my life.  I could be trapped in....The Twilight Zone.