This morning feels a bit blank right now, getting ready to walk the Greyhounds. They know my habits as much as I know theirs. We are a pack. 10,000 people applied for "joblessness benefits" so says the news and it seems like such a disconnected plunk of an idea in a very, very big pond. For most people rushing off to work this morning, it doesn't even register. Nothing. They feel nothing for the rest of us who try to figure out where we belong.
I feel tired today of the drudge, the search, the constant push to innovate in order to sell those qualities that I hold dear within myself, to make a dent in the world, to get an interviewer's attention and to move onward towards the future. I work on staying positive and directed. It feels exhausting sometimes. It feels disheartening and at the same time hopeful. It feels like your mind is split between opposing forces and you are right in the middle.
For me, this is where I am in life. I yearn to stand inside of the wish that I have to work in a bright, lovely, focused, enervated and positive environment. I yearn to be of service with a big smile that is genuine and encouraging because I care about you. It is real for me. I yearn for the very thing that I cannot make any headway into and how many of us are there out there? Some of us are hopeless, destitute, dismissed and frantic. That is not my story today. For them, I send my compassion and understanding. I am here, I am here.
Strange morning music plays in my head as the coffee takes effect and I often imagine that some inner D.J. is spinning the tales. And so, this morning, Emmy Lou Harris is in my head singing about Leaving Louisiana. The dogs and I "suit up" for our creek walk with her words playing behind us in my mind, gleeful, funny and something about "....this is the story about how things go, round and around nobody knows...."
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