Wrestling The Titanic From Its' Watery Grave

Today, though still very much unemployed( and yes I will keep on writing about it), I was able to spend time with two women whom I admire who are each struggling in their lives.  We reason things out with one another, laugh at our dark takes on life and relationships, and try to find the median where our hearts and minds come together.  We are fellow sufferers and thus bonded. My hope is that I left something with them that allows them to feel seen and heard as they do that exact thing for me. 

Stuck in traffic on the way home many people drove on my Mini butt-end and it is always maddening.  I have lots of opportunities to curse my fellow travelers.  Get a grip people.  We are all going the same direction!  Alas, I thought of all we had said to one another and how anxious I felt today waiting for the call from an employer that has yet to come.  I recalled the very last time I interviewed for a job that I wanted for which I spent the entire weekend rehearsing and studying.  I lived alone then with Rosie, my dog, and I paced and worried and practiced.  So much was riding on my performance.  So very much.

I remembered that the Chief had called me to ask me to step to his office as he was giving everyone the results of the choices that the manager's had made.  I hung up, took a deep breath, felt my fear come into my body and take hold, then straighten myself and steel myself as I walked down the hall to his office.  I was ready to be told no. 

Remembering, I realize how humble I felt and how unable to imagine a yes. I worked very hard to get there but though I had prayed and hoped, the yes seemed very, very far from me.  And so I went in and sat down in his office. The Chief told me that I had gotten the job and would be one of four new hires out of 164 people who had applied.(Eight years ago, that was a phenomenal number.)  I started crying.  That was my response.  I had no idea of the impression that I had made.  I still remember how grateful I am to have been given the chance to serve the people of Sonoma County with that promotion. 

However, as we know, life has made a full U turn and I am unemployed now, having left that profession behind me due to the changes made by management.  Sometimes, it feels like my ship just cannot turn towards the harbor as it is too big to turn that quickly. It may have sighted the ice berg and be plummeting towards it anyway.  This is what it feels like sometimes and it takes everything in my spiritual pantry to offset the sinking feeling.  Pun intended.

What I came away with today, in the company of my women friends, is that no matter the outcome, I want to face each disappointment or potential challenge with grace, humor and compassion.  Grace especially.  I wish to face the obstacles with pause and curiosity instead of trying to wrestle the Titanic from its' watery grave.