Letting Go And Moving On Can Be a Four Letter Word

I am feeling autumn swing its' season into our days with a heavier pathos than it has been in late August.  The evening ends sooner and the sunsets are proving out lighter pinks and oranges as September gets underway.  It is lovely and I envy the earth. Our planet here turns to the underworld and our naked ladies dried up and the finch flock now living off of our bird feeders increase in number seem to gorge themselves on millet and corn.  Getting ready I think. 

We hiked today at Willowcreek open space and as we reached to top of the Full Monty trail, the fog poured across the hillside from Jenner as if steam from a giant tea kettle.  No lunch time view of the ocean today.  We hiked one of the blessed places here in Sonoma County just the same and felt fortunate.  A cup of coffee in Duncan Mills rounded out our day.  We are lucky.  My family in Texas is now dealing with more drought and parched earthen days without rain. 

This time of year, as autumn comes to us through the changing leaves, light and temperate days, reminds me of last October when I parted the ways with my former employer.  It has been a year.  I have let go of that environment and my years of government service.  I let go of my purpose and stepped off of the curb. I am not certain that was an act of faith.  For me, I knew that I had to go though getting to that decision almost killed me.  I am not kidding here or exaggerating.  I nearly died and no one should be so tested.

There were friends along the way, people that I worked with and people that I met, interviewers and people that I have relied upon who did not help or simply could not tax themselves to care.  That is the hardest part of change, the sense of betrayal when you need people the most.  I have learned to let go, sometimes screaming and clawing my way to it. However, I know myself so well now and I have walked the way I talk over and over and over again. Not easy and not simple but certainly deep and blue and clear.  I have learned to move on and sometimes that was a four letter word.