Yes means yes and no means no. Sort of. Well, not exactly. It has not really been a banner week for me though the beautiful place in which I live thrives at this time of year. The County fair starts today too. I love that. Actually, I applied for a job there this year. Something new for me. They never responded. Yes, there it is again.
Last night, an actual response to my interview last week came via email and I did not make it to the finals. Though I had told myself I let it go as I walked to my car that day, and I did, the rejection was difficult to take. For me, there have been so many in the last almost nine months. The no of a non-response and the no we are choosing someone else are almost equally as difficult. For me, weathering all of this turns me inside out. I must see if my thoughts match my actions. How can I improve my outlook or adjust to the world as it is? How can I accept the no when it really flies home to my heart? I found it difficult to just receive yet another clamped down, gate slammed shut, rebuff that leaves me standing there in the road smelling everything burning around me. My California.
Each time I take in, absorb and return to the source of myself, here inside this small frame, I encounter the risk of being unemployed and what that does to your self image. There is no one to help us out of this one. What it feels like is almost impossible to show you and yet, imagine this next scenario.
Imagine that you are newly single and you search for nine months, without fail, through ups and downs of your questioning of how you might improve to become more attractive to others and continuously you receive rejections over and over and over again. Do you keep telling yourself that all it will take is someone seeing who you really are and welcoming you home? Do you give yourself messages throughout the day that you are kind, loving, attractive and generous? Or do you simply give up and join a cult, realizing that no one is going to get it.
OK, no cults for me. However, when no comes home this many times, you think of moving somewhere else where things are thriving and fruitful. Is there any place like that left? Maybe the trained monkeys picking coffee beans in the mountains have a place for me.
You may first have to prove you are a monkey and you have experience picking coffee! YIKES! ;-)
ReplyDeleteRejection is hard, but rejection with no feedback, makes a person crazy. I wish each person could be dealt with as a person, not a statistic. Civility seems to be going the way of the answering machine, the letter, and dial-up internet. Just because it is a fast-paced world, it doesn't excuse them from being civil to people applying for work. But you know how I feel about this. Thanks for sharing your inner world. I'm sorry your suffering continues.