Today just is for now

Looking for work, being out of work, unemployed or not in the workforce currently are all twisted paths to the same thing. We know. We know.  We don't want to say it or have people think we are the losers that we feel that we are.  Oh, we have been marketed, did I mention that?  So, it starts with sun up and what I tell myself.

This morning is golden and bright and promising as the sun comes up over Annadel.  It begins to peek over the back fence near the roses.  The roses, red and red and red, begin to glow inside out with their crimson bodies lit from the morning sunrise.  There is a bit of NPR and then, ugh, enough.  A poor man's mocha-coffee with instant chocolate-and a few moments where my mind adjusts before I skitter off in some direction.  It is right here, in this in-between, where the demons lie in wait to see how vulnerable I am today.  Anything can stir them to action.  Some news drama about the right wing politicians can bring them up from their slimy bunker and into my thoughts about my future and lack of response from the world  or job offers from the most simple job opportunity. 

This morning is so lovely and the county in which I live so very blessed by summer days that begin just like this, that I am in the batters box waiting for the demons to throw errant balls at me but I do not budge.  Like my Qigong teacher who gives us a bit of Tai-Chi in the mix, I deflect and stay grounded.  I don't need to fight back today.  Today just is for now. 

I will walk the waiting Greyhounds and I will write, I will look for work and see what it out there because I know I have so much to give back to a world that will not turn my way.  No matter I say.  Maybe it is genetic or maybe I am just tired of letting the demons pitch baseballs at me.  No matter, I shall prevail.  "Peter" will be there one day when I am not counting on him.  I shall keep the faith, as if it were a small torch placed in the secret door to my heart, the click of the door registers the treasure within, and I shall carry that torch into the world today.  I believe in myself.  Let the day begin....oh, it has, it has. Let's go.