Stillness appears as a bird magician

We were lucky to win a kayak trip from a ZenFest of all things and met in Jenner early this morning to glide down the river.  There were three other couples and our wonderful guide Mr. J.  It was foggy and we paddled up the river and then back for lunch.  After lunch we paddled towards the mouth of the river and as we moved towards the ocean, on the right, a great stillness, first a bird and then driftwood caught in the tree and then no, a Great Blue Heron.  We paused, floated towards it, the small waves bouncing off our kayak and I felt so very struck by the stillness as this amazing sight drew me in and I recognized that feeling that so often seems inexplicable.  The Great Blue just perched there, viewing us through its bird's eye, the breeze ruffling its bird belly feathers so that I knew it was real.  No driftwood.  All magic.  And so it is that we came to end a wonderful time on the river with laughing strangers and drove homeward filled with the freedom that water brings to me.  I wish I could stay there in my thoughts.

As we drove home, we passed the place where I pulled over last month to get the last call I received for the most recent interview.  I started to go to that place where I remembered trying to make a connection with the two people who "screened" me at the sandwich bar at a south county, national grocery store the next day after the call.  I was neutral that day and hopeful behind the scenes where the little people run around and prepare me for my next performance.  I was neutral, then very present, then resigned, then hopeful, then shocked that they never called me to say nay or yeah, then disappointed.  Such is the life of a job seeker now. It is very hard to stay neutral and be a living, breathing and feeling human being.  Impossible really.

And so in my thoughts, I stepped away from that memory of getting the interview and falling into the dumpster of applicants yet again.  I stepped away and recalled the teal colored water rolling out to the sea, the flock of white pelicans, the fog lying across the Russian river this morning, the Great Blue Heron and our friends for the day.  I hold onto the beauty in this world as my lifesaver. No wands, no smoke and mirrors and no performance.  Rather, extraordinary stillness appearing as a bird magician.