Shedding The Past

October is a month of loss for me, shedding of the past, remarking on anniversaries of divorces, deaths, endings of friendships and birthdays of those I have loved in life.  Autumn brings a turning inward trend for the earth, also shedding her trappings and casting them downward to become compost for the spring and summer beyond. The earth seems to have an easier time of it than I do though she is well practiced and wiser than myself who still wants to cling to people, places and things as if those complete me.

How I navigate loss sometimes seems like a magic act or simply a slight of hand that even I am not shrewd enough to catch.  In order to stay present, and I am not there yet, I try to absorb the radiance of the changing light, the deep blue sky that is a backdrop for sunrise, birds collecting and skittering around at lunch and trust that my humanity is part of my humanity and this too shall pass.

I thought of Janis Joplin's song that claims "Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.." as a way of making sense of loss and all that it attends to my heart these days.  In other words, feeling loss and the pain of no longer feeling connected to careers, people or places is  part of being here and the freedom comes in knowing that one does have nothing left to lose except everything.  What would Jean Paul Sartre have to write about that?