The Highwire Of Life

Balancing a 40 hour work week with participation in a spiritual community, running, eating, dog walking and going to the gym has become a big deal. I have not done it well for the past almost three weeks and I am trying.  Last night I just took care of cleaning up after the dogs who have wrecked havoc with the house, did laundry, bathed yet again in a day, ate dinner and read my new book.  That was a night off and it really did not seem like it very much.  The dogs really don't help matters right now.

I suppose having a human at your beck and call for a year with a human hot spot every day made them soft.  They have become used to having me here though they never helped me look for work.  In fact, they really did not care.  Now they are making a muddy mess in and out of the dog door because all is not right in their world.  I am working like a dog and they are not.  They are just being dogs.  Damn them.

I am doing the best that I can emotionally and my hands and knees hurt from the job.  I am struggling to make sense of being in a lovely place and not really feeling a part of the staff.  I am a native English speaker and the staff, except for only a few of us, are non-native English speakers.  They speak their common language to one another and I just sit there watching their faces.  It feels a bit lonely and maybe paybacks are a you-know-what. 

The best thing about today was a man who lives in the Assisted Living Unit.  His wife still lives in their apartment.  G. walks with a wheelie walker and he is slower on the draw than he used to be.  His wife is elegant and has a wide smile and porcelain skin.  She seems like she was once a dancer. 

I talked with them both today because G. wanted to meet me officially.  I stopped chucking the leaves while making compost and talked with them.  G. gave me a blessing and I spent the rest of the day thinking about him. I wondered what it would be like to be parted from my wife because she could no longer care for me.  This is the reality of our lives and yet it struck me to the core today.  The high wire of life is the act of balancing between life and life's tasks and the teeter totter of health and the weathering of our human vehicles. Some of us are still looking for the net.