Not Down And Not Out

Many of the people in my spiritual circle have not cared enough to come to understand what it has been like for the last year of this life trying to find a job.  Many, if not most, cannot even fathom what it is like to feel the ridiculousness of becoming a Dancing Carrot Too in order to stand out from the millions of unemployed humans. 

They didn't want to hear it and most of them just humored me at the dinner held for a man who is retiring and moving to Palm Desert. They probably want to text their friends about what they ate for dinner or just go blank in the eyes over  a loss.  Something real and not pretty is not usually cocktail banter or in our case, non-cocktails.

However, I know what it has been like and I know what other people go through. Unbelievably, two of the men at the dinner table talked of working in the grocery business for years.  I wanted to scream but I made nice and just inwardly slugged the hell out of my punching bag. 

I am going to work tomorrow and it is an odd feeling in and of itself.  To have come so far, through so many very dark months, has created compassion and understanding in me that has widened my gaze.  Though not a complacent person in life, now I feel things more deeply and with a wisdom born of extreme adversity.

Who knows how it will pan out and I shall give it time and tolerance and openness.  I am fortunate and that shall never leave my horizon.  For now, I am not down and I am not out.