People With Tentacles

Even if no one ever reads my blog entries, this venue has set me free in so many ways.  It is not an absolute in the way that decisions can sometimes feel but rather giving freedom to a voice that I hear inside of me.  I know that spirit.  I know myself.  So many times I have failed to believe in myself, my value of honesty and integrity and my own ethics.  Frank taught me about those things.  This blog gives that voice the place to speak, to assert and to fly free over this city that I call home. 

I have had a strange week in many ways making my re-entry from Texas.  I have done all the things that help me center myself because I am a sensitive person. I volunteer, run, swim, walk the dogs, meditate, read and cherish the people whom I love.  I feel things strongly and take in many too many details.  I am affected by kind individuals that I meet and people who seem to have gone over to the dark side.  There are people in this world who act out of instincts that are less than generous, less than kind and less than helpful to those of us striving to be of service and contribute to the world.  You know who you are.

Perhaps that is why we love Harry Potter so much-because he is an innocent-and his nemesis is everything but.  However, he who shall not be named is a part of Harry and that is what each of us deal with in life.  The people who bug us, evade us, trample us or simply those people with tentacles that seem to wind their selfish tendrils around us just when we aren't looking are actually a part of us.  I hate that.  I don't want to admit that the people who give me the heebee jeebees have those qualities that I despise in myself. However, some of them take it too far.  You know who you are or do you?

Sometimes in life, those people with tentacles are in a position of power and they have the ability to fire and to hire.  Such was the case for me this week.  It took me two days to finally trust what I knew though like so many people looking for work, I was tempted.  I was tempted by the dark force. I was tempted until his henchman went a bit too far and showed me what I would be in for if I allowed the dark mark to be placed upon me for a temp job, a temp paycheck.  It wasn't until I found that ping pong ball in the church parking lot, miles from any ping pong table while walking the dogs this morning that I felt Frank looking over my shoulder. 

I want to stress that I trusted what I felt and what I knew from other people who work for the dementor in question. Everything comes with a price it seems if you are unemployed like myself.  It is so hard to know what is the right thing to do.  I am still dreaming of the job that I applied for this week that makes me tear up with hope.  I will keep hoping until I hear the nay or the yeah.  However, I am quite certain that my "no" to something others might say "yes" to was the right one and an opportunity to break free of one of the people with tentacles that crossed my path this week.