The Emperor Has Clothes, He is Pretending To Be Naked

Today my partner was told she was not the interviewee selected for the job she sought.  For her, it was hard news but not totally unexpected.  They selected the younger applicant, of course, though my partner has experience in the field with glowing references and a great desire to have a meaningful job helping seniors.  Her age, however, was an issue apparently. How ironic!

This particular job did not pay well though it offered health insurance benefits, something that has become the last Dodo bird in employment.  Not exactly a perfect scenario the receptionist would have to "change the diaper" of any resident in the lobby if no attendant was available.  For me, I had to say "hell no" and yet the job still held the promise of a less than living wage with sufficient hours and benefits. 

Needless to say, this is the third job that has slipped by after an interview.  It is very difficult and yes, age matters.  If we say it does not, then why are so many people having the same experience?  The people doing the hiring are our age but they do not want to look upon our faces as the greatest mirror ever shown to them.  They have their management jobs and they don't want to be reminded that they are us and we are them or something like that.

The "jobless" rate enunciated in the news today is the biggest lie of all.  That rate does not reflect never clearing the bar because you are just too damn old. The rate does not reflect that we are working at half of our previous wages to now buy health insurance and wonder where we are headed.  The rate does not reflect working at lame jobs and spending the evenings looking for a better job.  The rate doesn't reflect that we never had a chance in hell but the 50 somethings that interviewed us wanted to look like they're an equal opportunity employer.

The talking head may call us the 47% but we are the bulk of the nation's spenders.  If you don't give us a chance, we cannot make a living and we cannot spend money.  If we cannot spend money then the economy continues to drag its' unholy, bloated self across this decade of greed, deception, discrimination and profound sadness.  We don't need a chance to prove ourselves because we already have! We simply need the same chance you are giving the 20-30 year olds. 

The emperor does have clothes after all.  He is just pretending to be naked.

Bobbing For Hot Dogs

Today we suited up and took our surviving two Greyhounds to the Greyhound Friends For Life Reunion in Point Richmond.  Truthfully, Point Richmond and Miller-Knox Regional Park was a bit of a blah location near the lovely Chevron refinery that recently spewed toxic smoke across that community.  We went to try to break the grief and darkness we all feel about Ginger's death three weeks ago.  The dogs lost their most whiny companion, the third in their pack, and we lost a most soft, scamp of a dog who did lots of bad things and who we miss terribly.  Greyhounds are not like other dogs, especially ex-racers.

And so we went, driving almost 50 minutes towards San Francisco with a left turn across the bay to a flat place where dozens of other ex-racers came to gather, sniff, stand around and play games.  Greyhounds lure us to them with their elegant grace and outright mighty ability to run almost 40 M.P.H. Dog racers are grossly mistreated at the tracks and it is unfortunate that almost two dozen states still allow dog racing.  That is slowly changing yet not quickly enough for these awesome dogs.

Today, it helped my girl to see so many other Greyhounds and a few looked like Ginger.  It helps us though Jade and Omi really just sniffed their kin and probably wondered why all those sight hounds were there at the park.  G.F.F.L. staff created games for the dogs and Omi participated in the Hot Dog Bobbing.  Though it took a bit to get the knack of sticking her snout into the bowl of water, she got it quickly and seemed thrilled to be eating meat, something she gets little of living with Vegetarians. 

Greyhound Friends For Life creates a method to offset the horrendous eventuality of dog racers being put to death because they didn't win a race or simply outlived their usefulness to owners.  Breeders and racers don't get pets and they don't get to live life free of the constraints of track life.

I saw one new adoptee today and he had a thick four inch incision on his flank which was all ribcage and skin.  A beautiful black dog starved at the track is now on his way to becoming a dog loved by a human, fed enough and loved more than he can even comprehend right now. 

Thank you G.F.F.L. for all that you do for our ex-racer friends and for a lovely afternoon in Point Richmond. 

http://greyhoundfriendsforlife.org/home.htm

The Jokester Of The Universe

We all have tough weeks in life and sometimes coffee with a friend, a run on the last day of summer, a funny movie or just a day of no responsibilities can ease the turmoil.  Let's all hope so as the summer of 2012 comes to an end.

We hope that the six month construction project at our little corner is coming to an end.  At least that was the promise from TerraCon's letter but the boys of our summer have putzed around here with shovels and their almighty front loaders all week long doing just about nothing.

We thought they would have our streets paved by now but no soap.  They parked a loader across the street, for the umpteenth week, for the weekend for us to view and went off to their lives.  I must say, this job seems to never end.  However, they left a sign, at our corner, and I had to smile.

In more ways than one, this message is already present in our lives as my partner finds out what it will cost to pay for health care on her own, as we try to come to grips with the empty dog bed in our living room, as the weather changes and the light becomes golden across our not so golden state, as I spend my first paycheck on Ginger's death and cremation, as life changes and we attempt to walk forward, albeit one week at a time because, there is, indeed, a bump ahead.

Our Shared Grief

We shall never forget them nor shall we lose track of our nation's loss.  9/11/01 remains an indelible marker of our shared grief for those who died.

Ginger Has The Last Word 9/9/12

We were destined to scoot off to the beach today in the Mini after my crack of dawn shift at my new job.  My schedule is all over the place and it seems, though I am not certain, that being a rookie means you will work any shift scheduled.  I have to say that when I stepped outside this morning at 4:30 AM before my coffee and shower, my breath was taken away.  Within that predawn sky was a roof full of crystal clear stars on a cold September morning.  Crystal.  Crisp.  Wow.  I said a prayer for myself and our wee household for another strange day of life.

It was very busy today at the store and I raced to keep up with my veteran co-workers and customers.  How do they see me?  Am I making the grade?  Truthfully, I am exhausted by the stress of a new situation with all new tasks and responsibilities.  It is easy to smile genuinely at others and I have a fair amount of fear and wonder.  I thought of our household and my family in Texas in those moments where I doubted myself and my path.

I came home tired and thinking of driving to the coast.  I made it home, changed into my shorts after human and dog hellos and waited for my sweetie to get ready to scoot.  I heard a strange commotion from our dogs and ran to the door outside to see Ginger begin a grand mal seizure.  I sped out the door to hold her head and keep her from scraping herself further as she writhed and gasped. 

Seizures are horrible to witness as you comfort and wait, riding the waves forward and back without being able to do anything more.  Three minutes and I was screaming for help as my partner ended her phone call.  Four minutes and Ginger was still writhing and frothing at the mouth.  The seizure built and took it up a notch. Five minutes.  Horrifying with both of us holding her and reassuring her.

Eventually Ginger's grand mal ceased but she got up and paced for a good 45 minutes more, agitated and terrified.  For us humans who are brave enough to love our dogs, we had to talk about this inevitability after trying three seizure meds over almost five months.  It has been so very difficult to deal with changes in Ginger's personality and her breakthrough seizures as each of us lost jobs, started new ones and dealt with the uncertainty of a critically ill pet.

After a few hours of talking to one another and calling my amazing sister for feedback, we decided to end Ginger's life and her struggle with seizures.  Neither one of us thought this day would turn towards this and yet, we knew we had to do the right thing by Ginger.  We three went to the ER and some exceptionally kind medical staff at PetCare allowed us to bid Ginger adieu as only we guardians can. 

We are each spent and so very sorrowful.  We have lit a candle and hold our grief very carefully for the dog who made our trio of Greyhounds complete.

I can say that dogs leave quickly but Ginger did so in her own way.  After Ginger's big Greyhound heart stopped and the wonderful Vet. left the room, Ginger exhaled several times and the last one was a signature Ginger cry.  Perhaps some might explain that breath from her lungs expelled across her vocal cords.  However, I would say that not only did Ginger have the last word, she thanked us as her big dog spirit was exiting for parts unknown.

Thank you Ginger, we miss you terribly.  Bon voyage.

The Changing Seasons

Maybe I am just getting old enough to see the change of a season way too early or maybe it is global warming.  Today, walking into Kaiser, the wind blew and dry leaves fell from the trees and skittered across the parking lot in front of me.  Our sky today was mostly cloudy and it is cool.  Summer has slithered away as if it never arrived.  A strange summer of emotional ups and downs at our house, our tomatoes are ripening late and the corn is stiff and dry awaiting Halloween.

Life has changed quickly here and we both feel odd.  As if the lone survivors from that distress signal, we bob in the water with frenetic schedules, gym routines and dog walks to bolster our emptiness.  The season is changing here quickly too, along with our lives, and we each grieve all that we have lost and wonder what lies ahead.  Each of us have new jobs that shake our comfort zone and test our abilities to soothe ourselves within, savour a hot cup of coffee or mate' with some chocolate and find a movie on Netflix that will make us laugh.  We need to laugh much more.

For us, we are far from family who have their own gatherings in States far from us and our friends seem to have moved onto something else completely.  For me, I felt the loneliness of all that change and tried to run it off, do errands to chase that lethargy and finally come home to my book and some home made popcorn.  Whatever it takes to get through this desert. 

Fall has emerged, sliding in sideways with cooler days, the start of school, the changing light, the sun now lower in the sky and the memory of fall, my favorite season with its chilled mornings and deepening color.  Still, our resident hummer drinks from his red apothecary and darts in and about the sky above the patio, chiding his compatriots for entering his blessed airspace.  He gives me hope that time will ease our individual discomfort and we shall look backwards and see that our troubled times have shed their husks for warmer wrappings.

Prickett's In The Rear View Mirror

Today was my last day of employment at the best job I have ever had in life.  I don't know how it came to be that it took over 30 years to work with such hard working, patient, accepting, bright, fun, strong and loving people.  I was very lucky to have had the chance to work and thrive this summer in the company of a small band of humans who treat others as they wish to be treated. The Golden Rule is still alive and well at Prickett's.

Truthfully, the people of Prickett's Nursery held up the mirror of their fine selves in order to reflect all that I had missed within myself that is as grand, as kind and as fun loving.  Prickett's showed me the best of myself by teaching without judgment, working hard together to serve others, tirelessly supporting and encouraging one another and laugh and care for one another.  I am blessed.

Leaving Prickett's is the hardest change that I have made and yet, I leave with my head held higher and my heart so very full because I feel special and I feel loved.

Funny how people can sneak up on you if you are expecting the worst.  In fact, I came to Prickett's broken and afraid having left another job a few months previously.  I had been harassed and treated in a hostile manner by my Supervisor for reasons I still cannot fathom and I flinched at anyone coming near me.  I was angry and edgy as I entered the Prickett's Outdoor Sales crew on the busiest weekend of the summer.  For me, I did my best to put on my party face each day and some days it was hard to reflect a positive attitude that was genuine because of the harassment I had lived through.

However, as the days and weeks of this summer wore on and I began to feel more confident, reveling in the openness of that corner location, working hard in the sunshine and finding a way to fit in and learn about my fellow nursery workers, I began to heal.  I began to heal without knowing that I was changing.  I began to feel a part of something simple and sweet.  I began to feel appreciated.  I found a communion with many customers and I often saw neighbors and old friends as the nursery became a stage for helping others create their gardens.  Prickett's became my touchstone and my fellow workers became my clan.

I am moving forward to pursue new opportunities and try to make more money.  It was achingly difficult to end my job at Prickett's and yet, I do so with a sense of myself that reflects who I am instead of who I am not.  I am deeply grateful and honored to have had the chance to know such lovely people in my life.  Thank you Prickett's.  In the rear view mirror I see you waving at me and I am crying my way down the street waving back. I will miss you all terribly.  You are amazing.