Remembering Jonathan Glass

Perhaps, just perhaps, I am one of the lucky ones.  Maybe. Sometimes. Living with many memories, hopes, disappointments and dark feelings for a lifetime helps one get to know oneself very well.  That voice of despair is always there, a little bit to the left of my left ear.  A demon, a thought born of stress and a very dark upbringing.  Exercise helps and being outdoors can send that demon packing.

Having said all of that, I am remembering a man named Jonathan Glass who died in February.  A brilliant, capable, funny, outdoorsy man who ran LandPaths for many years gave me the chance to show up on Thursdays, clean up the database a bit and be a part of something positive.  Jonathan gave me the chance to allay my own darkness in a time of unemployment.  He gave me a purpose and a place to sit.  He helped me to belong and feel purposeful.  He helped me stay alive.

And so it was with great sadness to know that his own hidden despair ended his all-too-brief life here in northern California.  To say he is missed is not to fully comprehend how Jonathan made open space happen here in Sonoma County.  He was cherished and his absence here is profoundly sorrowful.  There is a great emptiness where that beaming smile lit up the room.

May he now be free and may the rest of us find a way to ask for help, show understanding where we only think of ourselves, take chances, make a statement and know that living does mean that we are one of the lucky ones.

The Lemur In The Backseat

I look up
  from the overpriced plant that I am
  watering,
  in a nursery where I work
  for pittance wondering
  what happened to my beautiful life,
  to see a silver sedan pulling into the parking lot,
  slowly moving forward seeking the perfect
  parking spot,
  and there is a lemur, wide eyed and taking in all that washes
  before her through a  car window,
  short in the seat,
  she is tiny and very real.
I look up
  realizing that my lemur is an old woman,
  shrunken by age,
  viewing the world through eyes
  like pie plates,
  on her outing to the nursery where she will move slowly
  on the arm of her adult child,
  with those huge, hopeful eyes upon all
  that she will be missing.
I look up
  and wonder what happened to all that I had
  planned and know
  one day soon,
  I will become the lemur in the back seat.